Review....... 'Primeval' ITV sat 8 ish.

Ambitiously Bad. Ambitiously bad. So , so bad, that it doesnt become good in some sort of ,ironic, cool way. It just stays bad.
Basically the idea of a 'time portal' has been introduced to what is essentially a blue peter christmas special where they try and act and the like. This 'portal' can come from any 'time' but for some reason is always from 'pimeval' times. get it? get it?!
So this literary device allows all manner of creatures and characters to enter the story lines no? No.
Apparently the only creatures around in 'primeval' times were essentialy what we have now but bigger. Spiders but big. Centepieds but big. So yeh, correction, the only creartures in primeval times were inscects that we have now, but big.
For me, a portal in a story is something id walk through. Not these guys. They are content to stare at it, as the various 'big' inscets that come throught it. Theres some story about this androdginous peter pan type character ( I think she was in s club 7 (I know she was in s club seven (S club seven was better than this)))
Next weeks trailer shows a diversification in the story writing technique and plot lines. Theres this crocodile right, but its like, fucking big! I mean, like a crocodile that we have now, but like, just fucking big you know?
The main 'hook' , if you can call it that, is the intraduction of a 'mystery'. This programme basically works by simulating excting , interesting televison, without actually having to dabble with any exciting, interesting material. A character stares into a portal and says " oh ellen, where are you, and what do you want?"
These are questions we as an audience are meant to ask. Testement to the series that its so weak we have to be told what it is that we are meant to be asking, and why it is we would ever spend actual seconds of life watching this programme again.
But shit ellen, where are you? And what do you want?
rating:
1 quite big spider out of 5 quite big spiders